If you have ever read my blog or followed me on social media, I have made no secret over the years that depression is a part of my life. It’s real, it happens, it sucks but I eventually overcome.
Currently, I am blessed to only be effected by depression in certain ways. Mainly, I just get sad and can’t shake it for a sporadic amount of time. It could be a day, a couple of days, a week or as long as a season. When it sets in, for the first couple of days I am like what is this? It’s strange. As an occurrence that I am acquainted with, you would think that I could easily detect it but it’s almost like I am in full denial that it is happening again.
When I finally realize that it’s not just a bad day, I have acquired knowledge over the years to attack it and outwardly function in it. Bible reading, sermons, a lot of calls to my Mom and a strong series of workouts all act as antidotes for me. Personally, I don’t take medication. While there is nothing wrong with it, it doesn’t sit well with me. I took it once when I was a teenager. It not only intensified the feelings, it made me feel completely out of control. I flushed those pills down the toilet and vowed to never take them again.
This current match has been nearly 5 months long. While it’s no coincidence that the last 5 months has been an unfair period of time for me, I have to look at the entire picture and pinpoint my part in it. While medically, there are some things that are out of my control, at the end of the day, you are responsible for your overall happiness. Nobody can dictate it or put it back together for you. If you rely on someone or something to complete it, it will never be whole or real.
With this in tow, I’m taking an inventory of the ways in which I fail to take control of my happiness.
Yes. I said FAIL.
Embrace that bad boy. All of us fail in some way every. single. day. The more you run away from failure, the further away you are from making the change that will transform you into the exact person that God wants and needs you to be. We learn far more from failure than we ever will from success. Sometimes it takes a good fall to learn exactly what makes you stand the tallest.
I contribute to my unhappiness in the following ways;
FOCUS. Instead of focusing on the amazing things that are going on in my life, I tend to fixate on what I have lost. The lost things hurt my soul and I just stand there looking at them while completely ignoring the beautiful people, places and things around me. It not only sucks the happiness out of my life, it’s disrespectful to the beauty that God has placed in my life. Place all of your focus on the light and it will spread throughout your life.
DISTRACTION. When I am down, I power down. Instead of attacking with the word, fellowship, prayer and physical activity, I run to the house of Netflix. Basically, anything that deters me from working through it, I embrace. This isn’t happiness. This is denial. Anything that keeps you from overcoming is a step in the wrong direction.
PROCRASTINATION. I often prolong my sadness by delaying decisions that I know are standing in the way of the path that I am supposed to be on. Are they hard decisions? Yes. Are they essential in living my best life? Absolutely. Stop delaying the life that God promised you because you are afraid to make a decision. Seasons are to be greaduted from, not stayed in. Are you listening Alicia?
LANE SPLITTING. Are you in someone else’s lane? Completely guilty. If you are comparing yourself to others, trying to follow in anyone’s footsteps that aren’t God’s or fighting for someone to see you in the way that God does, you have inevitably taken yourself out of the game. You are no longer walking down your path yet occupying another that you will never see success in. Find respite in your lane, strive and seek God to direct all of your steps. His orchestration brings peace, light and love.
PERSPECTIVE. Alicia, your current situation isn’t the only situation. Stop making your world small by painting yourself in only one picture. God’s landscape is vast. His promises always win. Live in a lavish point of view. God isn’t small and neither are His plans for you.
Selfishly, I wrote this because I really needed to read it today but I hope that you gathered some power from the lessons that are occurring in my life.
Bring it on failure. Bring it on Depression. Little do you know, I will use both of you for my strength.