To say that I have been wallowing in a bit of self-pity would be an accurate statement.

Yes, it is true that I have had some incredibly uncomfortable and unfair things happen to me in the past couple of months BUT at the end of the day it’s my responsibility to turn lemons into lemonade. I can either swim in the acidic waters that aspire to decay or use the lesson to propel me to the very platform God created just for me.

I have literally done this in every other facet of my life. From using bullying to fuel my confidence to abstaining from drinking because of a family disposition to alcoholism, I have taken the best parts of the bad to build the good. Why not this time?

I was hit with many things at once and completely punted outside of my comfort zone. It was a potent mixture of seemingly creative failures, death, racism, sexism and a shattered heart. All unfolded like dominoes. This could be viewed as an excuse but fact: it’s really hard to get up when you are constantly being sucker punched.


When the punches stopped coming as frequently, I just sat there. Instead of taking a breath and preparing to bob, weave and hit back, I literally prepared myself for another blow with no recourse. It was a side of me that I didn’t recognize. I don’t like that Alicia.

Slowly but surely, healing started to occur. It’s different for everyone. There is no real formula. I simply started consistently focusing more on who God is than the problems that were coming my way. He surpasses all of them so what was I trippin about? Nevertheless, I still have that last bit of saltiness to work out but I wanted to share with you 6 lessons that I am learning while making my lemonade this time around (there will be many batches love):

1)      Change reveals what you need to work on, keep close and cut out. When you aren’t the same, and things around you change, everything will start telling on itself. It will scream from the mountain tops I’m not for you, I’m fake, stay away from me, I actually really care for you…whether it be a person, place or thing, it will let you know. This could potentially hurt in the beginning but trust that it will be beneficial for you in the end. You don’t want to carry unnecessary baggage to the top.

2)      Take a breath. In a world so focused on pushing ahead, this doesn’t always apply to life changes. Sometimes you propel yourself farther in the long run by taking a beat, healing and then moving forward. A wounded walk is more belabored than a strong one. Recharge and then charge.

3)      Forgive but don’t forget. Yes it happened but are you going to let it continue to handcuff you? Forgive and file the lesson away. Those experiences occurred for a reason. Let the pain go but by all means keep the message.

4)      Ask for help. Sitting in your hurt will only wound you further. Call up your strongest allies and let them carry you for a bit. There is power in knowing when you need a hand to hold. God has placed them in your life for a reason. Draw some strength from their well.

5)      Make failure the homey. Embrace it like you would a win. You cannot succeed without partaking in the other side. A path without failure is a false hustle. There is absolutely no way to make lemonade without the sting of the lemon. Use the failure, don’t let the failure use you.*in my Diamond voice*

6)      Remove yourself from the madness. Sometimes the lesson is that we didn’t listen. God has been telling us for weeks, months and years that it is time to move and we just refuse to do it. You can also be so used to an uncomfortable state, that you find comfort in it. Thus, He simply let’s scenarios occur that will ultimately make you do it. Comfort is a quiet killer of dreams. Pray. Ask God for the next move and DO IT. Don’t delay His plan with your worldly dependencies.   

Stress point: it’s a work in progress. I feel incredibly strong writing this but who knows how I will feel when the next curve ball is blasted my way. I pray that the lessons stick or at least reveal themselves after my first reaction. It truly takes time. Be gentle with yourself and embrace the fact that no matter what is going on, God is orchestrating it for your good. That my friends, is one thing you can always count on. Always.

Ok. Now it’s time for my annoyingly positive end remarks that are absolutely true but sound like nails on a chalkboard when you are nestled in a valley moment. Get ready to unlock your ears and put your rose colored glasses on…

Stay strong. You were carefully built for this. His promises are certain. Use this time wisely. Let it mold you. It’s not the end, it’s the uncomfortable key to unlock the beginning. This too will inevitably make you stronger than ever.

And in those moments when you need a quick dose of sheer joy, watch this. It's the absolute best.  

Video courtesy of Jay Versace 


American Idols


The definition of an idol is an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship.

Wow. That explanation really hits you in your gut. The description in itself is revealing because right after you read it, something that is an idol in your life usually pops up. I know it did for me. What was it for you?

I actually have many that I’m trying to knock down one by one but for me personally the biggest culprit of them all is marriage.

Yes. The girl who is saving herself for marriage has made an idol of it. Not only did I worship the union, I literally looked at marriage as a source of joy. I just pined over the day when it would happen. I felt that I would be complete, I would be truly loved and to keep it 100 I would be able to have sex non-stop.

Girl. Stop it.

In actuality marriage will never complete you, your husband will inevitably let you down because he is human and sex isn’t the sole purpose of marriage. You are worshiping something that will never give you fulfillment.

I was giving the attainment of marriage a higher priority in my life than my relationship with God. I just knew those vows would unlock the life I had always envisioned when in actuality nothing BUT God can orchestrate the purpose of our walk in this life. He is the only true source of joy and everything we do is to bring glory to His purpose including matrimony.

I was making my future husband an idol, I was making sex an idol, I was making the actual walk down the aisle an idol…it was all wrapped up in one ugly roadblock that was hindering me from the only relationship that truly matters and that is the one that I have with God. My order was completely out of whack.

 Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you (Matthew 6:33).

Now, should you enjoy all of the things that are encompassed in marriage? You better believe it. However it should not be the source, it should be a stunning byproduct of the relationship that you have with God. It should strengthen your purpose and give it power but in no way does it complete who you are and who He is to you.

For example, in my humble opinion, your husband should lead you towards God but shouldn’t be a god. He shouldn’t be held higher than Him. You should love your husband and cherish him, but in no way should he be your source of joy. Fostering it is one thing, being the cause is quite another. He (as will you) will fail. He is human. Disappointment is any relationship is inevitable. Making him an idol in many ways seals the deal on divorce because no matter what he does, he will never live up to that standard. Does that mean you accept anything your husband does? Absolutely not but you can’t expect god level things from him as he is not, nor will ever be God.

No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other (Matthew 6:24).

The craziest part about this whole marriage-idol thing is that I was really waiting on joy. It’s scary to think about that because what if marriage isn’t in God’s plan for me? Would I never experience joy? What a catastrophically devastating thought.

God’s joy surpasses your circumstances. It should be constant whether single, married, sick, healthy, poor or rich. Nothing earthly will satisfy the joy of God in your heart.

Nothing. For the Kingdom of God is not a matter of what we eat or drink, but of living a life of goodness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit (Romans 14:17).

He gives you joy in every facet of your life…even in the trials.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance (James 1:2-3).

At the end of the day do I still want all of these things? Ya best believe I do but now my focus is completely different. My eyes are set on Him and what He wants in my life.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

No longer do I look for earthly things to satisfy what God has already fulfilled in my heart. My picture is painted with His colors, not mine. Knowing that He works all of it for my good creates a joy that I will truly never comprehend, yet I am incredibly thankful for the sacrifice it took to make it. My direction and purpose truly are not my own and I have to trust what He permits within the path He has set for me.